i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
