thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
