apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
did i walk over a car last night?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
