I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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