so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
