I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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