there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
