Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
