I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
