Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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