You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
