Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
