if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
