He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
