I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
