I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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