apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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