I wish I could punch you in the face.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
