my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
