don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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