You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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