I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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