after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
