i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
