Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
