I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
