I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
