if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize