Swine flu. Run for my life!
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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