grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
