im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
