Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
