I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
