Yo dont text me then not text me
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
