dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
