so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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