look no pants
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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