forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
