the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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