so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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