hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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