Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i dont even know how to be here
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
