I am puke
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
