Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Randomize
