Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
