Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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