We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
