The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
