but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
