dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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