I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
