i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
