so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
