It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
