jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
