I'd wear matching sweaters with you
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
