did you get engaged???
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize