I'm going to jail i love you
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
