Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
