I smell stomach acid.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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