i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
my shit smells like andre
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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